Boy Things: Legos & Wrestling

Today I thought I'd share with you what the boys have been up to all week during this school-free time. They've been doing... wait for it... boy things!

Lots of Lego assembing...

My mom bought them the biggest Lego set that Brian or I have EVER seen! It is a ship from Star Wars. You'll have to ask them which one, but I think it was in an opening sequence once. It's Darth Vader's ship.

This ottoman is 4'x4', which makes this ship almost 3 feet long!

Very detailed. My husband, oh - I mean, my sons, enjoyed assembling it.



Great detail in the back of the ship too.

This is a video I just took this afternoon of the boys wrestling. I'm hoping that this video will entertain their younger cousins for a while. :-)Love you all!!!

Merry Christmas

Well, now I think I have finally figured out what Christmas is about... really big guns! Isn't this thing huge?! It's three nerf guns that can be attached to make one big gun. That rocket (orange and black) on the front goes 60 feet! He loves it! I'm a little concerned we're going to break a window with this thing. :-)

Grandma Judi and Grandpa Lee got him the biggest Lego set ever! -- which is exactly what he wanted. All YEAR I've been listening to him say he wants Legos, lots of Legos, and his very own (not sharing with Alex) Legos. He finally got what he really wanted! Thank you Grandma Judi and Grandpa Lee!

The kids opening gifts from Aunt Bridget.

More Transformers for Sam! Turns out his happiness level is directly proportional to the number of Transformers he owns. :-) So, you know, he's pretty happy now.

Our backyard this time of year, almost finished with Fall.

Our neighbor's pecan trees. I always think they're so pretty in winter.

This is a drawing Sam drew of the San Antonio temple (pictured below). You can see the tower, the doors and windows at the bottom, and the Angel Moroni statue at the top. The interesting part is the brown line he drew around the whole thing. I asked him what it was, he said it was the special protective force field that is protecting the temple. We told him that he's actually pretty accurate. :-) He loves going to the temple, and has begged (and convinced) us to take him again this week.

Five more temple pictures can be seen here: http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/sanantonio/gallery/

Happy Birthday Sam!

Happy Birthday to my second son Sam! He is turning 6 today! He's a great little ball of happiness (usually), and he's been waiting a long time for this birthday.

Here is a video I recorded of him last week. I went out into the library, and saw him happily sitting in the rocking chair, listening to his nursery rhymes on his little kid mp3 player, and singing along. It was so great, so I got out the camera to record it. Below he's singing BINGO, and in his song they clap when you skip a letter. The funny part is that I think he's singing "Farmer Brownie had a dog". It's so cute!

I Slept!

Thanks to help from my Dad and from lots of research (both of which are only the result of me admitting my problems -- guess admitting really is a good thing!) I think I've figured out how to sleep.

My doctor put me on a low dose of melatonin, that didn't do the trick. He added 5-htp, and that worked sometimes, because I have too much dopamine naturally. But there are still times, averaging about three times a week, throughout the past few years, that I was easily up till 2:30 or 3:30am.

Ever since that 2-week cold I had (ending one week ago), my sleep schedule is really off, since my congestion kept me up at night, and sometimes I napped during the day. Wednesday night this past week I didn't get to sleep till 5:30am, and Friday night, until 9:00am. This has been a hard thing to go through.

That second night reminded me of prom night, in which a group of us hung out at my house after prom and listened to music and danced and watched movies until sunrise so that we could all go have breakfast together. It was a tradition. (Don't worry, no alcohol, drugs, or sex occurred that night.) Anyway, I remember watching the sunrise that morning and thinking how odd it felt. Same thing this week. The sun came up, but it was like I couldn't figure out why.

One fun thing, though... around 6am (Saturday morning now) I went outside and the stars were so beautiful in the cool winter air (the cold air and less humidity makes the stars look really clear and sparkly -- check it out!). I saw Orion on the West horizon, about to set. I'd never seen Orion set before. Only on a winter's morning can you see that. It was so pretty. And Mars was there too. Then, the next evening, I saw Orion come up in the East sky, about 11 hours later. That's the cool part of being awake all night. The rest of it, not cool, so I don't recommend it just for the stars. :-)

Anyway, I figured out that if I add Taurine (an amino acid) and GABA (Gamma-aminobutyric acid) to the other things I was taking in the evening, it works! It totally removes all the "bugs" or feelings of not being able to rest in my nervous system. It is perfect. Now that I solved the actual problem, I expect to get off the melatonin once my circadian rhythm adjusts.

GABA is an inhibitory neurotransmitter, which is exactly what I needed: something to calm my brain down so that I could rest. Don't worry, it doesn't make me stupid or stop thinking or anything, just calms down the excess nerves, so that I'm like other people when they lay down to sleep. :-)

So, to sum up, I just got a full night's sleep TWO nights in a row! :-) I slept almost a full night Saturday night, and slept eight whole hours last night. Hooray!

To match with the theme of this blog entry, I'll leave you with another song from the Barenaked Ladies: "Who Needs Sleep?". This is Ed Robertson again, in his bathroom. This song helped me get through years of insomnia, just knowing I wasn't alone. :-)

Doing Better

Hey there friends. Thanks for stickin' with me in the hard times. :-)

I got a full night's sleep last night, which meant the world to me! I took extra vitamins and amino acids known for helping tics and they worked, and I have a lot fewer bugs, and I slept almost all night. It was great.

The kids and I got a lot of great schoolwork done. Laundry is done. Oh, and the problem that was arising in my Aspie group has probably been resolved, so that's better too. You were right, Jessica. Some work needed to be done, but some of it indeed happened on its own.

The sad news is that my sister broke her ankle. I feel so sorry that that happened. The really bad news about it is that not only is next week her birthday, and her job requires her to walk around the whole time, but the week after that she's moving into her first house! So, these next two weeks should've been her packing, then going to work, then packing, etc. Oh ya, and taking care of my sweet nephews. Followed by the need to move everything she owns into a new home in two weeks. I wish I lived closer and could go help her. I know there are people there to help her, family and friends. I guess I just wish I was one of them.

Get well soon, Krysten!!! :-)

Thanks Anyway

For those of you who feel the need to diagnose me, please refrain. I have not included all the details of my problems or all the symptoms. My purpose on this webpage was only to vent, not to give you a full disclosure of my health nor seek any help.

I have kept all this a secret for years partially to avoid this discussion. However, in doing so, I therefore have been allowing myself to deny my physical problems, even to myself. By writing some of them here, and thereby informing someone on this planet other than my husband, I'm forcing myself to take stock in my own health and admit my body's failings.

I don't want to admit these failings. I did nothing to cause them except to be born. Yet I did, and still do feel that they appear to be something indicative of mistreatment of a body, such as overeating, or improper mental health. Yet they are not. I therefore feel highly embarrassed about these things, and, well, let's just say I have very strong emotions about how much I hate this and am embarrassed by it. However, I can admit it and begin treating physical problems accordingly, or I can continue to get sicker and sicker until my usefulness in this life has become even more negligible.

So, please be patient with me. I'm working on it.

Man, I'm upset tonight. Can you tell? :-)

Note: I'm upset at the situation, I'm not upset with any person. :-)

Seriously?

I've always moved. I've always had repetitive movements my whole life. I can't sit still, I wish I could. I shake my leg, I move my fingers. At first I thought I was completely in control of them. Then, people told me I was doing my "air flute" playing when I didn't even realize I was doing it. That was a shock. The past few years I've been getting little spasms or something at night when I'm trying to sleep, which shock me awake. Or, if I try to suppress them, the feeling builds up inside of me until I go crazy. I call it bugs. I tell Brian (just Brian, because I've never admitted this to anyone before now, but I really have to come out of denial, so this is how I'm doing it), I tell Brian "make the bugs go away", and he'll rock me in bed, or quickly rubs his hands all over my body. That makes it go away, that feeling that I need to move.

But this morning, EARLY this morning, it went too far. It's happening in my sleep! Now that's just really not fair. I woke up at 5am this morning to every muscle in my right arm burning with pain. As I slowly came out of sleep, I realized that my arm kept going into full spasm/convulsions. I kept hoping it would stop, and the pain would go down, and I could go back to sleep, but now it's almost 8am, so clearly sleep won't be coming again this morning. I'm really tired because like most nights, I didn't get to sleep until 1:30am, because the bugs always keep me from going to sleep. The bugs have been keeping me up for years, sometimes as late as 3am! I put some of Leanne's wonderful sore muscle cream on my arm, and after ten or fifteen minutes it felt better. But then, since I was forcing my arm still, the bugs really built up!

In the three years I've known I have Asperger Syndrome, I thought these movements were what they call "stims", short for self-stimulating behavior. But in the past week, since I'm coming out of denial, I've been trying to learn more about myself. And the more I read about stims, I've learned that sometimes that description doesn't apply. I do stim, apparently, but most of what I thought were stims were this other spasming thing. I was even wondering earlier this week if it was simple partial seizures, since sometimes my arm and my foot on the same side of my body will move at the exact same time.

Anyway, I never understood the term "stimulating", since my movements were to get the bugs out, to get rid of the extra stimulation that was lurking in my body. I never figured it out until this morning. All my life, I thought I was making it all up, or just moving for fun, but doing it in my sleep, and until my arm is killer sore -- well, that means it's real and I need to stop denying it as well.

Fortunately, for some reason the answer was easy to find on the internet. I read descriptions, and it's not stimming, it's not Tourette's, it's not seizures (I don't think), but it is perfectly described by "tics". So, that's nice to know, at least I know what's going on. Oh, and the other good news is that I think I found a vitamin supplement that might help me with it! I'll have to run to the store today to try that.

Maybe this is a good thing. I've been trying to make the bugs calm down and to solve my insomnia for years, it's very important to me. Maybe this will finally help me figure it out. :-)

So, here's the running list of things I have that are co-morbid to (meaning also may accompany) my Aspergers. (Meaning things related to. I also have a messed up ankle and a huge blind spot in one eye, but those things aren't related. See what I mean? There are lots of other co-morbid conditions with Aspergers that I don't have, and am grateful I don't have, such as epilepsy, depression, and ADHD.)

Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome
Digestive Intolerance of Gluten, Dairy, and possibly Soy
Central Auditory Processing Disorder
Synesthesia
Tics

Well, I'm going to go take some tylenol because my arm is still killing me and I can't type anymore. I can't believe I hurt my own arm in my sleep!

Well, have a great Tuesday.

More scenes for your computer background.

Here are more pictures that I've taken, just like the ones below that I added to this blog a few days ago. You can add them to your collection of great scenery pics. You can also click on them, get the large version, then save that to your computer to use as wallpaper backgrounds. Enjoy!

Our great and treelined river.

Along the trail.

My backyard in springtime.
(Kim, I know you'll like this one.)

Lone seagull watching the ocean on a cold day.

A sand dune near the beach. Taken last month. I love how the both the clouds and the sand are shaped by the wind.

Here's a butterfly that was in my backyard last year.

That was Barenaked Ladies

Ok, Brian says I shouldn't return to full denial. I'll just admit that I want to return, but I won't, how's that? :-)

Thanks Analisa and Anna. You are great to me. Thanks for the kind words.

As far as my group, I think I'll keep going to every other meeting. Maybe I'll take a friend or Brian with me. I've been having a difference of opinion with someone. I think the root of it is that I hate being an Aspie and she really likes it, and I just don't understand that. I'll tell you about next time we talk, Anna. Thanks for your concern.

So, still sick, two weeks now. First it was a head cold, then it was in my lungs, the same bronchitis and pneumonia I've had all my life. Then, when I thought it was time to get better, I got that ear infection that I got previously this summer. I've been lax on the preventative herbs (echinacea and goldenseal) and zicam this year, so I'm realizing I need to use them like crazy, like I did before, if I want to stay healthy. I can do that. And I'm taking antibiotic ear drops again. My lungs are clearing out, and I haven't had a fever in two days. So, I'm definitely on the path to getting better. I just still need to rest for a few days.

The video isn't Brian, though that was a sweet guess! :-)

No, that's Ed Robertson of Barenaked Ladies, from their album Disc One: All Their Greatest Hits. http://www.bnlmusic.com/ They're my favorite group. He just recorded songs in his bathroom earlier this year, so this is from that group (The Bathroom Sessions). And ya, the day was just reminding me of that song.

Go here on You Tube to see lots of Bathroom Sessions songs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYS0AWSfIB8

Here is the full band playing and the video to the song. The video is interesting because they took video footage from their previous videos, but changed the mouths digitally to make it match up with this new song.

Thanks, That Was Fun

Well, I think I'm done going to my Aspie group. Which is great for me, because it means I can return to the full Denial that I've been in for the past three years. I hate being an Aspie. Every part of me that I hate is a part of me that is changed by Asperger's. I hate those parts. It's hard not to hate myself. I just have to not think about it.

December

Welcome to December. Today's my grandpa's birthday. Let's see, he would've been 104 years old! Wow.

I've been sick all week, so nothing really unusual is happening here. Just doing the bare basics, like school and feeding children. I should've taken my Zicam last week when the 3 boys were sick and I was still healthy, but I've gotten lax over the summer. I now have Zicam in my possession and will use it more piously this winter.

Above are two pictures for your collection. I'm going to start sharing pictures with you, pretty scenery pictures that I have taken, that you can click on (to get the big version) then save to your computer and use as a great desktop wallpaper. Enjoy.

I've rediscovered Rush, the band, this week. I used to love them, and listened to them (along with my boyfriends) throughout all of high school. I'm having a great time listening to the songs again. Here's one video I found. I just love watching Neil Peart play the drums. He's the best!